so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
