Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
