cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
