Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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