I didn't shave. On purpose
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
