Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
