Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
