Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
