Got a toothbrush?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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