I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
