So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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