I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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