i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
