Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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