maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
