Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
