No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
