Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
