and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
