that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
