Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
