She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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