i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
