And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
