six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
