It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
