It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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