Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
