It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize