My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
