You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
