Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
