YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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