Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
