Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
