i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
