i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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