i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
