No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
