I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cockslap morals
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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