You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
