Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i came on her dog
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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