no, he came in my armpit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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