Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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