I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
