I am full of burrito and curiosity
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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