Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
