How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We need a shit load of segways right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
