five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
