I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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