Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
