I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
