Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
