Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
