everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is wine microwaveable?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
