I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
