All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
